Today, I walked into work and gave my notice. In two weeks, my boyfriend and I will pack up and move from Atlanta to Seattle where I have absolutely no job lined up. I’ve wanted to live in Seattle since high school but I’ve never had the courage to move on my own. Luckily my boyfriend shares my love of the outdoors and the rain, so off we go. I’m so excited and I’m scared to death.
As we were planning the move, I decided to start this blog as a way to explore my relationship with failure. You see, I’m your typical play it safe overachiever. I’ve always done what everyone thought I SHOULD do. Make sure to stay within the lines and everything will be fine. I was valedictorian of my high school, went to a great college, and jumped right into the corporate world after graduation. I’ve been there ever since, trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I guess I’ve always equated career with success, so not having a job leaves me with this pit in the bottom of my stomach. But not having a clear direction for my life and career feels like failure too.
Henry Ford said, “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” And boy do I want to believe him. He’s not the only one with thoughts on the subject. A quick search of quotes on failure turns up more results than I have time to read. It’s almost like it’s some prerequisite for success. So if that’s the case, then why am I so afraid of it?
In coming to terms with the prospect of not having a new job before moving, I’ve run the gamut of emotions. From being terrified, to calm, to being excited about a short break where I can recharge my batteries and explore what is really important to me. I’ve also realized that finding a job won’t put an end to my fear of failure. I fear that I’ll never find a greater purpose for my life. I fear that I will fail the people I love. I fear that I’m putting all of my energy into things that, when I lay dying, won’t matter and I’ll wish I had it to do over again. All in all, I truly want to live with no regrets… to live an unconventional life where I follow my own rules. And if I’m going to do that, I had better make friends with failure. So I’m jumping in with both feet.
Here goes nothing!